From KJ 1, BY ROBERT BRADY
Friends, you’ve heard of bonsai, the miniature trees perfected by the Japanese over centuries, now popular all over the world? Well we at Heavensent Laboratories have compressed centuries into moments, and with our research have developed just the things to go with those bonsai trees: that’s right, friends’, we have perfected a complete line of bonsai livestock! It’s no longer a dream, friends; now, right in the privacy of your own city living room, you can operate a bonsai farm! Think of the joy of waking every morning to the tiny crow of your bonsai rooster! Of course, you’ll have bonsai omelettes. And evenings of pleasure, watching your bonsai herd grazing miniature pastures, beneath your bonsai trees! Make your own bonsai cheese! Bonsai burgers! And ultimately, bonsai shoes, even bonsai leather jackets! And with the scraps, you can feed your — bonsai lions! Yes friends, we have also developed a full line of bonsai big game, with which to stock your — living room jungle prairie! And, for the thrill of a lifetime at a bonsai price, send us a small sample of your own cells for cloning, and we will send you a perfectly reproduced bonsai self! That’s right! You can sit back in easy chair comfort and watch your self pioneering, doing the chores about your bonsai farm: mending bonsai fence, hunting bonsai varmints, tackling bonsai problems, digging into those bonsai steaks at the end of a hard bonsai day — all without lifting a finger! Or enjoy the jungle tension as your self goes stalking the big game! Think of it! Your den wall hung with bonsai trophies that your self has bagged, right in your own living room or basement! Your friends will be amazed! And, if you send us a small sample of their cells, we’ll send you a complete set of bonsai friends! To visit you on your farm! Join you on bonsai safari! So act now! Start collecting your self and your friends today! Order promptly, and we will reproduce your children, absolutely free!!!