Intelligent Buildings Flee Tokyo
From KJ 13, BY ROBERT BRADY
Startled onlookers early today beheld a throng of intelligent buildings gliding along the major thoroughfares out of Tokyo, as that city’s architectural IQ plummeted to a new low. According to a press release issued by the buildings, what has prompted the move is “Our collective utter disaffection with the increasing mental onanism of urban areas.” When asked for details, one of the younger buildings responded: “We’re going to where it’s less crowded, cleaner, quieter and more leisurely. Only a deranged or extremely backward building would want to stay here.” As the intelligent structures moved along, crushing numerous unintelligent and even retarded buildings in their path, the Mayor and other city officials pleaded with the edifices to return to their sites or be impounded as causing undue infrastructural chaos. The buildings paid no heed, however; the officials were forced to run for their lives before the relentless facades. It remains to be seen where the buildings will finally settle, but wherever it is the rents will be substantially cheaper, a fact not lost on the tenants, who seemed to be enjoying the ride, many waving from the windows as the buildings slid majestically through the city. If this migration succeeds, Tokyo officials will have no recourse but to construct totally ignorant buildings on all the abandoned sites, so as to avoid recurrence of this massive concrete exodus. Officials of other cities have been flocking into the area to recruit the departing buildings, offering various relocation incentives, but the structures remain noncommittal as to their destination. Rumor has it that since the buildings are Japanese, they will not forsake the homeland, but are planning to meet a group of like-minded edifices now moving out of Osaka, with the intention of forming a highly intelligent city with nature as its heart, a far cry from anything yet known in the world.